August 2020
Hello, friends.
It's the beginning of August, and there's approximately 5 more months until 2020 ends. I'm not sure how 2021 is going to be, but I wish so much that it would be kinder to us all.
I understand that 2020 has been good to some and most, but I think we can all do better without a pandemic, or a protest, or a political downfall, or drying dams.
My summer break came and ended, I'll be starting my new semester next week. I didn't get to go home over break and this makes it the longest I've been away at a single time. I've managed to get by, but a tiny part of me still wonders if I could just go home now and compensate all the time that's gone by. I don't understand how some of my friends can stay far from home and only visit every other year or two.
So far over the break, I've had several mental breakdowns, then when the lockdown softened, I had a physical breakdown. I lost my balance and sprained my foot. It's been a month and I'm much, much better, but the 3 days following my fall, I couldn't walk or leave my room. I don't like depending on people but I'm so grateful for the handful of my friends here who helped look after me in those passing days.
I spoke to some old friends. I thought a lot, but about nothing. I tried to read and I managed to finish a book I started around June last year. I tried to start a new one but so far I've only been through a single chapter. Which I find is okay, it's a heavy read and I don't particularly enjoy reading digital documents. Fiction wise I've probably read close to 1million words. I believe that's several copies of LOTR. It messes with me when I've finished a really good story, so well written because then it's hard to top it and I end up dismissing a lot of other stories that don't have the same pull on me.
I'm not really sure why I came here to write, I don't think anyone reads our blog. I know the other girls are busy and it's unlikely they'll come read any of these, much less write themselves. But I do miss them. I miss them everyday and I miss when I could see them everyday. I wonder if i ever took those days for granted, I wonder if I'm the only one who misses them like this.
Everyone is having a hard time, and in trying to find consolation sometimes we end up making it harder. I find that I don't truly understand who friendships and relationships work. How people can put others above them. How love works. And yet it does, and I know because I do love them and I do put them above me. But I don't understand how.
Things get harder the more I try to make sense of them. Too much semantics and strings, and layers and things.
I just hope everyone is doing okay. I hope everyone is doing they're best, because in hard times, even okay is enough. I don't really know what I'm saying. But I hope whoever is reading this does.
Here's to hoping things get better, for anyone and everyone.
Longing,
n
It's the beginning of August, and there's approximately 5 more months until 2020 ends. I'm not sure how 2021 is going to be, but I wish so much that it would be kinder to us all.
I understand that 2020 has been good to some and most, but I think we can all do better without a pandemic, or a protest, or a political downfall, or drying dams.
My summer break came and ended, I'll be starting my new semester next week. I didn't get to go home over break and this makes it the longest I've been away at a single time. I've managed to get by, but a tiny part of me still wonders if I could just go home now and compensate all the time that's gone by. I don't understand how some of my friends can stay far from home and only visit every other year or two.
So far over the break, I've had several mental breakdowns, then when the lockdown softened, I had a physical breakdown. I lost my balance and sprained my foot. It's been a month and I'm much, much better, but the 3 days following my fall, I couldn't walk or leave my room. I don't like depending on people but I'm so grateful for the handful of my friends here who helped look after me in those passing days.
I spoke to some old friends. I thought a lot, but about nothing. I tried to read and I managed to finish a book I started around June last year. I tried to start a new one but so far I've only been through a single chapter. Which I find is okay, it's a heavy read and I don't particularly enjoy reading digital documents. Fiction wise I've probably read close to 1million words. I believe that's several copies of LOTR. It messes with me when I've finished a really good story, so well written because then it's hard to top it and I end up dismissing a lot of other stories that don't have the same pull on me.
I'm not really sure why I came here to write, I don't think anyone reads our blog. I know the other girls are busy and it's unlikely they'll come read any of these, much less write themselves. But I do miss them. I miss them everyday and I miss when I could see them everyday. I wonder if i ever took those days for granted, I wonder if I'm the only one who misses them like this.
Everyone is having a hard time, and in trying to find consolation sometimes we end up making it harder. I find that I don't truly understand who friendships and relationships work. How people can put others above them. How love works. And yet it does, and I know because I do love them and I do put them above me. But I don't understand how.
Things get harder the more I try to make sense of them. Too much semantics and strings, and layers and things.
I just hope everyone is doing okay. I hope everyone is doing they're best, because in hard times, even okay is enough. I don't really know what I'm saying. But I hope whoever is reading this does.
Here's to hoping things get better, for anyone and everyone.
Longing,
n
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